“You do not know where your decisions come from up,
they pop up like hiccups.
And when you make a decision,
people have a great deal of anxiety about making decisions.
Did I think this over long enough?
Did I take enough data into consideration?
And if you think it through,
you find you never could take enough data into consideration,
the data for a decision for any given situation is infinite.
So what you do is,
ou go through the motions of thinking out what you will do about this,
but, worriers are people,
who think of all the variables beyond their control and what might happen…

Choice is the act of hesitation that we make before making a decision,
it is a mental wobble.
And so we are always in a dither of doubt,
as to whether we are behaving the right way or doing the right thing,
and so on and so forth…and lack a certain kind of self-confidence.
And if you see you lack self-confidence,
you will make mistakes through sheer fumbling.
If you do have self-confidence
you may carry get away with doing entirely the wrong thing.

You have to regard yourself as a cloud, in the flesh.
Because you see, clouds never make mistakes.
Did you ever see a cloud that is misshapen?
Did you ever see a badly designed wave?
No, they always do the right thing.
But if you would treat yourself for a while as a cloud or wave,
and realize you can’t make a mistake, whatever you do,
cause even if you do something that seems to be totally disastrous,
it will all come out in the wash somehow or other.

Then through this capacity, you will develop a kind of confidence,
and through confidence, you will be able to trust your own intuition.
But this is the middle way,
of knowing it has nothing to do with your decision to do this or not,
whether you decide you can’t make a mistake
or whether you don’t decide it, it is true anyway,
that you are like cloud and water.
And through that realization without overcompensating in the other direction,
you will come to the point of where you begin to be on good terms with your own being
and to be able to trust your own brain.”

                                                                             - Alan Watts (1915 - 1973)


















Mr. Nobody


























wit licht spreidt zich uit
vlinder vleugels verbleken
zwart gat vangt ze op -












Uit oude tijd doos -    Ik stoei met mijn 'intuďtie'! Hier 'erken' ik gelijk, mag ik 'inzien', dat mijn 'intuďtie' gestoeld is op 'hoe' ik het 'leven' heb mogen (nog mag) ervaren. Dit al van kinds af aan. Ik heb al eerder neergelegd, dat ik vanaf mijn tiende ben gaan 'zoeken' naar 'waarachtigheid'. Dit nav hoe ik keek, waarnam hoe menschen met elkander omgingen, wat werd gezegd en gehandeld. Het contrast daar tussen. Ik mag 'nu' nog ervaren dat mijn 'vertrouwen' in de ander niet echt fijn werkt. Zo gauw, als ik een contrast ervaar in het woord en handelen, schiet ik 'weg', ga mijn binnenzee in. Hierdoor doe ik ('waarschijnlijk') de ander tekort. Doch, het gelukt mij niet om mijn gevoel, welke vloeit uit mijn 'intuďtie', fijn op te vangen en mijn mond te houden.

Ik ben blij
met mijn

Het voorkomt geen pijn
doch beschermt het mijn 'zijn'.

Glij op 'tijd' mijn binnenzee in
om vervolgens 'intrinsiek' gemotiveerd
naar buiten te gaan –

Eenzaamheid is het gevolg
doch ik ben niet 'alleen'!


















“Lets suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream,
and you would naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes.

You would have every kind of pleasure, you see,
and after several nights you would say, "well that was pretty great."
But now lets have a surprise, lets have a dream which isn’t under control.
Well something is going to happen to me that i don’t know what it’s gonna be.
Then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream, and finally you would dream where you are now.

If you awaken from this illusion,
and you understand that black implies white,
self implies other,
life implies death.
You can feel yourself, not as a stranger in the world,
not as something here on probation, not as something that has arrived here by fluke, but you can begin to feel your own existence as absolutely fundamental.

What you are basically, deep, deep down, far, far in, is simply the fabric and structure of existence itself.” (–Alan Watts)